


Collapsing Like Two Big Mice

by khiinfox



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bodyswap, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Geralt is not a happy bunny, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mentioned Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Mentioned Triss Merigold, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, between Geralt and Jaskier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:41:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25956178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khiinfox/pseuds/khiinfox
Summary: His look alike said, “Oh my god! What the hell is going on!”. Geralt was confused, a doppler maybe? But why would the sorcerer invoke a doppler. He looked around. Where was Dandelion? He didn’t see him anywhere. He looked back at the man who had the same form has him, and it struck him.He checked his clothes, blue and pink clothes, no armor, no weapon but a luth.“Dandelion is that you?”“Geralt? What’s going on?!”“Shit”. He wasn’t expecting this, “I think the sorcerer exchanged our bodies”
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy !
> 
> Advice on my writing is welcome !

It was another normal day on the path for Geralt, killing yet another beast for a miserable fee before getting kicked out of the village by the villagers he just saved. Geralt was now looking for another contract. He thought he might just have found what he was looking for when he arrived in a small town. Before he even passed the gate, a peasant stopped him, saying the town had work for someone like him. The man said Geralt should seek out the mayor of the town if he wanted more details. He said that the mayor was probably in the tavern at this hour. Geralt nodded and headed to the tavern.

When he got inside the tavern he directly went to the innkeeper and asked for the mayor. The man probably a bit shocked at the sight of a witcher only stared open mouth to Geralt before pointing to a table. Geralt thanked the man. When he arrived before the table he asked, “which one of you is the mayor of the town?”

“I am why?”

“Heard you have a problem for a witcher” The man lowered his gaze “Aye… Come with me”. The mayor got up from his seat and Geralt followed him. The man led the witcher to a small house, _Probably the mayor’s one_ Geralt though. Once inside the mayor indicated a chair to Geralt, “Take a seat Master witcher”. Geralt took place on the chair while the mayor seated in another one facing him.

“Want something to drink”

“No, I’d rather heard about your problem”

“Yes, of course. It all started a few weeks ago, giants of stones started coming near the village. The folks were only seeing them from afar and they didn’t seem to come too close to the village, so I didn’t do anything. But soon they were coming closer and closer to the village and last week they killed a child and two men. Could you do something about it?”

“I need a few more information. These giants of stone how many of them are they?”

“From what we saw four of them”

“You know what they were doing near your village? Did someone unusual came through the village recently?”

“Some folks said they seemed to be looking for something but other than that, I don’t know nothing. And then for your other question… Hmm… I think… Yes, a man came into the inn a month or so ago. I don’t know what he was looking for, but he seems shady, you know hiding his face and all. But he left as soon as he arrived, so I didn’t think anything of it. You think he could have something to do with this”

“Maybe. The victims any reasons as to why they were killed?”

“No not really”

“Any witness of the attack?”

“Aye the mother of the child Beth and”

“Know where I can find her? I need to ask her some questions”

“This means you are taking care of the problem?” Geralt nodded “but it won’t be for a small fee”

“I think we could give you around 300 pieces of gold”

“500 and half now”

“500! It’s too much”

“Look from what you describe these giants are golems, and if they are looking for something it means a sorcerer is controlling them. That makes four golems and a sorcerer to hunt”. The mayor seems distraught “I didn’t realize the situation was that bad… Let’s say 450 and you can rest and eat for as long as you want in the inn”. Geralt sighed, he knew he probably couldn’t have a better deal “Agreed, but half the money now” The mayor got up “Aye, aye, you witcher are tough negotiator”. Geralt didn’t answer. The mayor left the room and came back a few minutes later with a bag full of gold and tossed it to Geralt. “Here it is, half of the payment”. While Geralt was counting the mayor continued “Beth is probably working in the field now. They are north of the village”.

After he finished counting Geralt looked again at the mayor “I guess you already buried the victims. Did anyone perform an autopsy? I need to know about the wounds” “No there was no autopsy, but Alex took care of the body, maybe he could help you. He would be in the cemetery at this hour, it’s East of the village. Anything else you need to know?”

“Not from you”. With that Geralt was out of the house and already heading back to the inn. He made himself a mental note, _I need to talk to the innkeeper about the hooded man, then the mother of the victim, and the undertaker_. The sun was soon going down. _Hmm, I should probably talk to the last two before they stop working_. Geralt decided then to talk to the mother of the victim first and headed toward the field. They were around fifteen people working there including six women. He stopped at the first woman he saw, “Which one of you is Beth” The women pointed to an older woman “The one other there with black hair”

“Thanks”. Geralt was headed toward her. Beth noticed him and stop what she was doing. “Are you Beth?”

“Aye, who are you?”

“I’m Geralt, a witcher. I was engaged by the mayor to take care of whatever kill your son.” When he mentioned the death of the child, the woman was suddenly grimmer, which didn’t surprise Geralt. He continued “I need to ask you a few questions about the attack” Geralt paused and waited for an answer from the women. She nodded “What do you need to know?”

“Can you describe the monsters that attacked your son?” The women breathed heavily “Aye… It… they were like… made of stone… way taller than a normal man… I…” Geralt nodded “Thanks, I just have another question, do you know why these monsters attack them?” “I… I… don’t know he was just playing… and…” she started crying uncontrollably, but she was still murmuring things. From what Geralt heard, she was saying “my son… my poor little one…”. When he heard that Geralt tilted the woman head, so she was now looking in his eyes. He moved his fingers forming the axii sign “Calm down and go back home”. The woman was now in a daze and she followed Geralt orders without blinking an eye. Geralt sighed. _And now to talk to the undertaker_.

It was almost dark when Geralt arrived near the cemetery. A man was leaving the place, and from his smell, he was either the undertaker or… _Nevermind_. Geralt got in front of him, the other man took a step back frightened by the witcher in front of him “Can I help you ser?”

“Are you the one taking care of the bodies around here?” The man nodded. “The two men and the child that were killed by monsters made of stone what can you tell me about their injury”. The man seemed taken aback by the question “Why? What’s it to you?”

“I’m a witcher, I’m working on the case”. The man gulped “Aye… The injuries well it seemed like their bodies were crushed… Let’s just say they didn’t come here in one piece”

“Noticed anything else?”

“No, like I said they were not in one piece and it was hard to tell which one belonged to whom”. Geralt hummed and thanked the man before taking his leave and went back to the inn.

At this hour, the inn was livelier than earlier. Most of the village was probably here eating and drinking. He could hear musicians, people laughing and talking loudly. But they were probably not as loud as he heard it. When he arrived in front of the innkeeper the man saluted him “Ah you must be the witcher the mayor talked about. We have a room prepared for you upstairs and food and drink ready whenever you ask. The mayor also said you might have some questions”

“Yes, a man came by around a month ago, shady, wearing a hood, ring any bell?” The man was thinking while cleaning a tankard. “Yes, yes strange man indeed. He must have stayed for five minutes and he only asked questions. Didn’t even say a thanks or buy anything”

“Remember the questions?” “He was asking if there were any ruins or caves around and then he started talking about elves or something. But I wasn’t really listening…”. While the man was finishing his phrase Geralt heard a voice, one he knew just too well. The man was singing “These scars long have yearned…” Geralt sighed and rubbed his eyes in front of the innkeeper who didn’t understand his reaction. “I need a drink”

“Aye master witcher, what do you want?”

“The strongest thing you have” The man nodded and soon gave Geralt a tankard with a brown mixture in it. Geralt didn’t even wonder what it was before drinking all of it in one go. He then signaled the innkeeper to refill it, which he did. He couldn’t believe it, what were the chances to meet him here while he was working on a big contract nonetheless, and what were the chances that he would sing a song about him and Yennefer.

Yennefer, he and the sorceress broke up a few months ago, again. Each time hurt more than the last one for both of them, but they still found each other after some time. But this time, this time it was different. Yennefer told him that she found a way to break the djinn spell, so of course, he went with her to broke it. In the end, Yen managed to break the spell. He could still hear what she had said after that, “I think we should take some time to think about all of this, … apart from each other”. Geralt had agreed with her and they both went on their way. He was a bit hurt when she said that, he thought that maybe she would say that she loved him, but she didn’t. He was still probably a bit hurt by her reaction now that he thought about it. He also realized he hadn’t reflected on his feelings about the sorceress after everything that happened. He finished his drink and asked for the bottle this time. He must have pondered on this for longer than he intended, because the bard that cause this introspection was now in front of him, smiling. “Geralt my friend!”, the bard embraced the witcher. Geralt returned the embrace. Soon enough the bard broke the embrace “Geralt what are you doing here? Are you alright? And how his Ciri you know with all of this story with-“

Before he could finish, Geralt placed a hand on the bard mouth and gave him a stern look. He slowly lowered his hand while saying “let’s talk somewhere more private”. Jaskier answered, “Sure, take the lead”. Geralt took him to his room. Before closing the door behind him he made sure that no one followed. He then turned to the bard “You shouldn’t talk about Ciri or what happened with the Wild Hunt”

“You know I would never say anything that could harm either of you”

“Not intentionally”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow and huffed at that response “I beg your pardon? What does that mean?”

“Dandelion, sometimes you can get a little overboard”

“Me? This is really unlike me and you know it”, Jaskier continued with a lower voice as if he was talking to himself “Getting a little overboard”, he looked back at Geralt and talked normally again “Anyway you didn’t answer any of my questions”

“I’m here for a contract, I’m fine and so is Ciri”

"That's good news my friend! And what is she up to these days?"

"She faked her death and she is on the path. Last I heard of her she was going after a wyvern"

"Good for her. And you what is your contract about? Is it about these giant men the villagers were talking about?" Geralt nodded. "You found any clues?"

"Probably golems invoked by a sorcerer"

The bard eye flashed "A sorcerer?... Sound interesting…"

"Nope don't even think about it"

Jaskier pouted "Oh come on Geralt this sounds interesting!"

"You know it's dangerous, I can't protect you while I do my job"

"But, I'll be in the corner only observing you won't have to worry about me!"

"Dandelion-".

He interrupted the witcher "Come on many sorcerers and sorceresses tried to kill me and I'm still alive, same for you I mean you survive Yennefer even after you fucked her best friend so we should be fine" Geralt froze, _why did he have to mention her_. "Geralt…" Jaskier snapped his fingers in front of the other man’s face, “Geralt are you even listening to me?”. Geralt sighed “Look Dandelion there is no way you are coming with me, I don’t need to hear your arguments”. Jaskier huffed “You are really no fun Geralt” and he left the room clacking the door. Geralt let his head fall into his hands. He murmured to himself, “He’s gonna be the end of me”.


	2. Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The body swap happen !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the last one but I hope you like it!

Soon after Jaskier left, Geralt decided he might as well go check the surroundings of the town for the golems or the sorcerer. He sharpened his blades and checked his armor. When he deemed everything was in order, he started to made potions, concoctions, and bombs. It took quite some time, but he was finally ready. He took all of his belongings and went to the place where the golems were last seen. Everything was dark outside, but he could still see every detail thanks to his mutations. Geralt could see the traces of the golems. Due to their imposing sizes, the traces were easy to be found and follow.

Along the traces, he could also see some traces of blood, human blood, probably belonging to one of the victims. The traces lead him through the nearby woods and, at the entrance of a cave. The witcher entered the cave without a noise. He could hear faint sounds coming from the depth of the cave, the sound seemed familiar, he soon understood why. This was no ordinary cave for it contained elven ruins, most certainly a palace. The presence of the ruins could very much explain the presence of the sorcerer and the golems.

Geralt walked for a few minutes, the faint sound becoming louder. It was the sound of a portal. _Portal, why does it have to be a portal_. Geralt huffed, closed his eyes, and went through it. He was instantly transported into another part of the ruins. As soon as he went through the portal Geralt heard different noises and he could also see the flickering of a flame in the distance. _Well someone his most definitely here, maybe the sorcerer._ The witcher approached the source of the noise carefully, the sound was known recognizable, it was like two rocks clashing against each other. _Must be the golems walking._ It was indeed the golems. There were two of them, walking around the room.

Geralt applied some oil onto his silver sword and jump right on the closer golem. The two of them were taken by surprise, well as much as a golem can be. With a few swift movements and jumping around the two, he managed to take one of them without a scratch. The second one though was a bit trickier and bruised his left arm. After taking down the second golem he quickly reached a corner to assess his wounds and any potential threats. He could ear the walking of more golems deeper in the place. He looked at his wound, _Not to bad_ , he though. He got up and followed the noises.

Soon enough he was facing the last two golems. Geralt thought about using bombs but went against it not wanting to attract the possible attention of the sorcerer, or at least more than he already had. This time the encounter was tougher. Before he could even bring one down, he had already been struck twice by the golems. He still managed to take down one of them, but he felt out of breath. _I don’t know how I’m going to take down the sorcerer if it continues like this_. The golem struck him again, this time sending him flying at the other side of the room. Geralt could fill the ribs that broke at the impact. This was making it harder to breathe. Before he could get up, the golem came rushing at him, but the witcher managed to dodge the attack and slash the beast on his back, taking down the last of the golems.

He sat down to take his breath and drank a swallow. He was starting to regain his senses when he felt something approaching from behind. Instantly he was up again and pinning the person beside him down who was now screaming. He placed a hand on his mouth and realized who it was, “Jaskier?! What the fuck are you doing here?!”

The bard was squirming under the witcher who realized he was still pinning him. He let go of the bard, “I’m following you evidently! And why did you try to kill me?!”

“I didn’t try to kill you, and you would think that after all the time you have passed around a witcher you would know not to sneak up on one.” Jaskier answered with disdain in his voice, “Well I think that after all the time we passed together you would recognize my footsteps or sent!”. Geralt sighed, “Look you shouldn’t be here-” he was cut off by the bard “It’s dangerous yada yada, you said that earlier, and while I think of it you’ve been saying this for something like twenty years”

“And it still didn’t get through that thick skull of yours”

“I beg your pardon?!”

“What is going on here?!” A third voice erupted “Who did that to my golems!?”

“Dandelion get back!”

“Ah a witcher, you disgusting mutants are always meddling where you shouldn’t”. Geralt drew his steel sword “You know your golems killed people, right?”. The sorcerer huffed “collateral damage, insignificant compared to my researches, and you will die just like they did”. Geralt growled while flame erupted from the sorcerer’s hands. The witcher sparred a glance at the bard and was reassured when he saw him going into hiding. _At least I don’t need to keep him in check because he has a death wish_.

Geralt jumped to avoid the fireballs of the magician. He tried to get near him, but the sorcerer was fierce and was doing his best to keep him at bay, after all, if he got near him the man would die soon enough. But on the other hand, if Geralt didn’t get near him he would be the one to die soon enough. Geralt threw a dimeritium bomb hoping to neutralize the sorcerer magic even for a few seconds, but before the bomb could even get close to him the sorcerer made it explode with a lighting bolt. “You didn’t think it would have been this easy, do you?!”. The sorcerer smirked but Geralt kept his cool and evade the dimeritium smoke so it wouldn’t affect the use of his signs.

Meanwhile, the sorcerer continued throwing fireballs. Geralt though the best course of action, for now, would be to throw a queen shield and wait for an opening. The sorcerer didn’t have any opening, so he decided to create his own. He took a dragon’s dream bomb and start the movement to throw it in the air. But when he noticed the sorcerer preparing to strike the bomb with a lightning bolt, he moved quickly to throw the bomb at the foot of the sorcerer. The lightning bolt struck him, broking his queen shield and dealing him a bit of damage. His bomb reached the target though. While he was still trying to get up the sorcerer had made another fireball “Ah, you think you could beat me with some smoke and a pirouette or two? Pathetic.” He threw the fireball at Geralt which was exactly what the witcher wanted. The smoke exploded throwing away the sorcerer who was now on fire.

_Idiot_ , Geralt though. The sorcerer screamed “You disgusting mutant! How dare you! You will pay for this!”. The said mutant was already on him ready to strike, but the sorcerer blocked his attack with a fire spell that made Geralt recoiled a bit. The sorcerer threw the same spell again, and Geralt blocked it with a queen shield who broke but didn’t send him flying. _Definitely weaker than his other spell then_. Geralt attacked a few more times while the sorcerer parried each of his attack with a spell. The witcher then protected himself with a queen shield, took a small knife and threw it at the sorcerer’s legs.

The sorcerer was now on his knees and more pissed than before. He didn’t even took the time to insult Geralt. He cast a spell that sends the witcher flying while taking the dagger out of his leg with a grunt. He then threw it back at the witcher. The blade lodged itself in his right shoulder. Suddenly Geralt was out of breath and could barely move. The sorcerer had cast yet another spell, this time to restrain him. As he closed his palm it became harder to breathe. “You little shit, I’m going to enjoy torturing you until you die”. The sorcerer closed his palm completely. Geralt screamed from the pain. All he could see now was the murderous look of the sorcerer and his smirk. Suddenly he could breathe again. The sorcerer yelped and turn around.

Jaskier had thrown a stone at him, “Don’t hurt him anymore…” the bard was trembling as the mage drew near him “… please?”. Geralt didn’t even try to understand what was going on and lashed out on the sorcerer managing to cut his back. As he did this the sorcerer cast a shock wave that sends both the witcher and the bard flying. “I will kill you, I will kill you both!” the sorcerer started speaking elven, he was about to cast a spell, a powerful one. Geralt got up, as quickly as possible and finally impaled the sorcerer.

The man was dead. But, just before Geralt struck him, he had finished his incantation, the question know was to know what the spell did. Geralt focused, he felt different, lighter but heavier at the same time, and most of all he had a hard time grasping his surroundings. And then, then he saw himself in front of the body of the sorcerer. His figure dropped his sword before yelling, turning back, running and bumping into him. His look alike said, “Oh my god! What the hell is going on!”. Geralt was confused, a doppler maybe. But why would the sorcerer invoke a doppler. He looked around. Where was Dandelion, he didn’t see him anywhere. He looked back at the man that had the same form has him, and it struck him. He checked his clothes, blue and pink clothes, no armor, no weapon but a luth. “Dandelion is that you?”

“Geralt? What’s going on?!”

“Shit”. He wasn’t expecting this.

“I think the sorcerer exchanged our bodies” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am changing some elements of the game story. Regarding the quest with the djinn and Yennefer in the Witcher 3, the ending will differ. Here Yen won’t profess her love for Geralt after killing the djinn (because I honestly think it was weird for her to do that) but instead say they should think about this on their own. Some other elements won’t be canon compliant in the following of the story (because what’s the point in writing a story if you don’t mess with canon elements you don’t like, am I right?)

“Heh what?! How is that even possible?! Melitete please help me, I don’t want to die”

“Jaskier calm down no one is gonna die”

“But what if this is permanent, I don’t want to be stuck in your body, like right now it feels like my…, no…, your bones are going to collapse on themselves”

“Well, I was hurt in the battle so yeah this is probably what is happening”. The bard crumbled to the ground holding his legs with his arms and murmured “I’m really going to die”

“Please don’t cry Jaskier all of this is already weird enough”. The bard shot up a glare, well at himself. It was a weird feeling seeing his face with such a furrowed brow, he didn’t even know he could make that face before. Geralt on the other end was even more confused. It seems like the bard went through the five stages of grief in mere minutes, and it was disturbing seeing all those emotions playing on his face. He sure hoped he wouldn’t encounter a fellow witcher while their bodies were still swapped, otherwise, it would be really awkward. Geralt held his hand out to his friend, the bard took it. “Come on we gotta get out of here and find a way to sort this out. We also need to treat, huh my body wounds”. Jaskier merely nodded.

They got out of the cave and went back to the tavern fairly quickly. When they enter they were greeted by the innkeeper. The man told them he had already arranged for a bath and some food in Geralt’s room. They both thanked the man and hurried upstairs. Once inside, Geralt sat Jaskier on the bed and start undressing him. It was disturbing, he was undressing himself, while in someone else body. Thankfully, his friend seemed too focused on the pain to notice Geralt’s uneasiness. That, was until he saw the actual wound, “How my god, do you see that Geralt?! Like half of my ribs…, well your ribs…, like it’s totally blue! How?!”.

They were both interrupted by two young women who prepared the bath for them. Before they got out Jaskier thanked them and winked at one of them. “Don’t do that again Jaskier”

“What?”

“Winking at people, you’re in a witcher body now, we don’t do that”. The bard smirked, “Hun you don’t do that, I’m pretty sure there are witchers that aren’t as uptight as you” Geralt huffed, “Whatever you say, now get in the bath, and hurry up”

“Sure, can you bring soap?”

“The one with flower scent?”

“It’s not any flower scent, it’s lavender” Geralt starred at him “What again?”

“You sure you don’t want my soap? You know the whole witcher thing, we don’t tend to smell like flowers” Jaskier cracked a laugh “I have known you long enough to notice that! But there is no way I will go out smelling like a witcher” Jaskier was now all naked, and Geralt reluctantly start to look for the said soap. “Well, well, you’re big”

“What?!”

“Well I mean your dick is-”

“No, I know what you’re talking about just … just take a bath and stop talking”

“Don’t frown like that while you are in my body, it will give me wrinkles”. Geralt thought the bard already had wrinkles, but he refrained from saying it. If he had learned something from being with sorceresses, it was to not mention those kinds of things. He sighed, he was thinking of her again, and now with this situation, there was no escaping a discussion with her. After all, she was one of the only persons who could help him and Jaskier with their current problem.

He finally found the soap and tossed it to Jaskier. “What is it? You are making your look”. How could someone as self-centered as Dandelion could see he wasn’t all right? Wait no, he was fine, he truly was. He was just avoiding a crucial discussion he should have with Yennefer, but other than that everything was perfectly fine. Why was the bard gazing at him like that then, with eyes full of tenderness. Was it how he looked like sometimes? Like this he didn’t look like a witcher, he looked almost, human. “Geralt you look dreadful and I think this is not only because of the fact that we are now in each other’s body”

He lowered his head, “It’s, huh, complicated”

“That is an understatement” Geralt hummed. “Is it because of a woman?”

“Maybe”

“It’s Yennefer, isn’t it” His friend winked at him, while he sighed. Was he that easy to read? “Can we not talk about it”

“For now, yes…, because I have another question. Can I have something for the pain?” _Oh shit_ , Geralt was so focused on himself he didn’t realize he should have given some medicine to the bard. He looked through his belongings and toss him a potion. “Drink the whole thing” Dandelion took off the cork, smelled it, and made a weird face “It smells awful”

“The taste is even worse”

“You sure know how to reassure people” Geralt chuckled, “I got this from you”

“Huh, I don’t think no, from Yennefer maybe”. The bard drank the potion not without whining and making weird faces all along. “Just drink it in one go”. The bard looked at him with puppy eyes, “But Geralt it’s awful”. This was definitely weird to see his face with this expression. _Try not to think too much about it_ , he thought to himself. “Dandelion, just drink it already, then you can go to sleep”. The bard whined again but drink the rest of the potion. “If the wounds don’t kill me your potion sure will”

“No, it won’t, you are being dramatic. And to be clear you are not allowed to die-”

“Oh, are you worried about my wellbeing? That’s really cute you know”

“ -while in my body. You are not allowed to die while in my body”

Jaskier stared at him in disbelief “Are you being serious?”

Geralt nodded “Hmm, don’t want to be stuck in your body for the rest of my life”

“I don’t see how that’s a problem. After all, I’m a quite the dashing man”

“You could use some lifting”

“You can be so insensitive sometimes you know?”

“I’m a witcher”

“Ah of course, like I would forget… You always remind everyone you are a witcher, but why I wonder?” Jaskier said with an interrogating look. Geralt cut him short, “We should get to sleep”

“I’m not sleepy”

“Well I am” Geralt collapsed face first on the bed. Jaskier turned to him “Are we … huh … going to sleep in the same bed?”

“You already saw me naked five minutes ago, I don’t think anything worse could happen even if we are in the same bed”

“Oh, but good things could definitely happen” Jaskier winked while Geralt threw his pillow in the bard face. “Hey, not nice!”

“Just shut up and sleep”. Jaskier sighed dramatically and laid on the bed next to Geralt. “But seriously though why are you always saying it?”

“Saying what?”

“That you are a witcher? I mean It’s obvious for most people and you don’t need to remind me”

“That’s the truth”

“But it is not the whole truth, like yes you are a witcher, as I am a bard, but we are so much more than that. Those are just our jobs and they shouldn’t define us”

“You choose to be a bard, I didn’t choose to be a witcher”

“You didn’t, but you can still decide how to handle the fact you are a witcher, and you can also decide about all the rest”

“Like I decided about Yennefer”

Jaskier sighed, “You are taking the worst example now”

“But I didn’t have a choice in this either, did I? Like I didn’t really have a choice with Ciri either…”

“But do you regret all of this, being with Yen and taking care of Ciri?”

“Taking care of Ciri, no, I will never regret it… But Yen…, It’s… complicated … I don’t really know myself”

“So, this is what you were thinking about right, Yen … Do you still love her?”

Geralt paused and thought about it for a few seconds, “It’s complicated”

“I already know that, but love stories are never the simpler off tales”

Geralt moved so he was now looking at his friend, “If I tell you are you going to turn it into a song again?” The bard seemed shocked “I would never Geralt!”

“Your lover did”

“Priscilla is not my lover”

Geralt snickered, “Did she discover she was not the only woman in your life?”

“I think she knows but she is just more interested in her art than me. But I mean, you heard the song she wrote about you and Yen, it was magnificent!”

“Dandelion!”, he said with an accusatory look

“Yes, yes, I promise I won’t talk about it” The room was silent for a few minutes. Geralt was sinking uncomfortably in the bedsheets, but Jaskier didn’t dare to move or say anything fearing that Geralt wouldn’t share his feelings with him. “Remember the whole story with the djinn, right?”. Jaskier nodded. “Well, … during the whole thing with the Wild Hunt and Ciri, Yen found a way to break the spell”. He breathed heavily, “I’ll spare you the details, but we banished the djinn … So that means that the spell tying us together is no more. And she, …, she said we should take some time apart from each other to think about all this, but …, it’s been a few months and I haven’t heard anything from her. But right now with all of this-“, he signed at him and then at Jaskier “-she is probably our best bet to get out of this situation”

“But that means you will have to talk to her”. Geralt sighed. The room was silent again. “I don’t really want to think about it right now”

“I won’t push you to talk about it, but just know I’m there for you”, Jaskier said while putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Geralt merely nodded. “Sleep tight Geralt”, the bard removed his hand, “You too Jaskier”.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwent is the solution to all your problems...

“So, we are going to ask Yennefer for her help then?” Jaskier asked. “It’s not like we have any other choices”

“You mean with all of the sorceresses you know she is the only one that can help?”

“Hm, most of them want to kill me”

“That’s reassuring”, the bard laughed stressfully “What will happen if someone who wants you dead stumble on me? Especially a sorceress?”

“You defend yourself”

“Whoa, thanks, would never have guessed that myself! But let’s be honest if someone who actually knows how to defend himself try to pick a fight with me, they will probably win”. Geralt sighed “You’re right, I could teach you how to use some signs and basic things about how to use a sword, it should be easy now that you are in my body”

“Seems like a good plan, we can start right now!”

“Definitely not inside a building! Plus, I have to write a letter to Yen and get the money from the hunt”

“But you can’t do the last one”

“Yeah you will have to do it, you know the details, it should be fine” Jaskier smiled and nodded “Not to worry I will handle it”. The bard headed toward the door, “Wait Jaskier”

“Yes Geralt?”

“You better not do anything I wouldn’t do!”. Jaskier rolled his eyes, “You are being dramatic, everything will be fine”

Geralt pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again. He went through the bard’s belongings and found what he was looking for, a piece of paper and something to write. _Okay now, how do I put this? Definitely not by stating we are friends._

_~~Dear Yennefer,~~ _

_Yennefer,_

_I hope this letter finds you well._

_I am writing to you because I found myself in trouble ~~again~~._

_~~I also wanted to see you again despite all of this.~~ _

_I got in a fight with a sorcerer during a hunt. Jaskier was here too. To make it simple the sorcerer exchanged our bodies, so I am now Jaskier body and he, is in mine. Do you think you can help us with this?_

_We are going to Corvo Bianco in Toussaint, so you know where to find us if you want to help._

_~~I hope I can see you soon~~ _

_Geralt_

_That seems good enough. Now I just need to find someone to deliver it. I hope Jaskier is doing all right._

POV Jaskier

He was not doing all right. He hadn’t seen it last night, probably because he was to focus on his wound, but now he could see it, the look in people’s eyes. They wear full of disdain, anger, and fear for the most part. Some looked at him with pity while a few looked at him as if he was normal. But he wasn’t, not right now at least, he was in the body of a witcher. Jaskier was accustomed to people looking at him with anger and disdain, after all, he was as loved as he was hated by the people, although he thought nobody had any reasons to hate him. But this, this was on another scale. Geralt just saved these people’s lives and so many of them were looking at him like this. He could even hear some men whisper about Geralt, even if they were out of a normal earshot. _This is unsettling, hearing so much. Now that I think of it I also feel weird_. He didn’t have time to dwell too much on it, he was in front of the mayor’s house. He knocked. A man opened the door, “Aye master witcher! Did you get read of our problems?”

“Yes, I did. The golems and a sorcerer all by myself! It was quite impressive if you asked me!”

“Good, good! Did you know what the sorcerer wanted”

“Researches, I don’t know on what though. I was bleeding out and therefore focused on not dying” The mayor hummed softly “Yes, the innkeeper told me he saw you coming in wounded with the bard… But I wonder what you were doing with such a man…”

“Why are you asking?”. The bard was genuinely curious about what people thought when they saw him and Geralt together. The mayor was hesitant to answer “Well… you witchers are often seen alone, and… I was just wondering why you would be around master Dandelion… especially since is considered as a troublemaker”. Jaskier was astonished, _Me a troublemaker?!_ , he huffed “Dandelion has helped me on multiples occasions, and he is quite dear to me!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to offend you!”. The man seemed scared and decided to reach for the bag of coin hoping to change the subject of the conversation, “Here, the remaining of the bounty”. He reached out is own pursed and took out a few more coins “And this is for your trouble”. Jaskier was still annoyed by what the man said and merely nodded before taking his leave.

POV Geralt

Geralt got out of his room looking if he could find anyone to send his letter to Yennefer. He was about to ask the innkeeper when a woman stopped him. With a high-pitched voice, she said, “Master Dandelion!”

_Oh no_ , “Heh, Hi…”, the women took Geralt by the arm “Master Dandelion, you promised me you would show me how to play the luth! We can do it now!” _Jaskier when all of this is finished, I’m going to kill you!_ “Well, I can’t I have something to do”

“But you promised”, the woman was pulling him closer to her chest. She then murmured in his hear “If you show, I can show you a thing or two myself” _Damn it_ , Geralt was about to tell her to get lost when another woman jumped on his other arm, “Master Dandelion!”. Geralt sighed. “Yesterday you wanted to give me a private performance-“, the other woman cut her short “In case you didn’t see, I was here first!”

“Well I asked first!”

“We should let master Dandelion decide which one of us he wants to be with then”, the first woman was looking smug when she said this. She was also pulling him even closer to her chest. Geralt was starting to get really pissed by all of this. _Calm down, try to act like Dandelion_. “Ladies I can propose you something. You could do a round of Gwent and the first one to win will be the first to come with me”, _Man that’s a good idea!_ The two women looked at each other’s, the second one spoked first “Seems fair to me”, the other one said, “Bring it on then!”. Both women were now off of him and about to seat at a nearby table.

Geralt took this occasion to escape the situation and go talk to the innkeeper, “Hi, do you know where I can find someone to deliver this letter”. The man nodded “Of course, I can take care of this for you”. Geralt gave him the letter, “Thanks”. He heard one of the women scream “You’re cheating bitch!”

“Quite popular with the ladies hey!” the man winked. Geralt sighed “Unfortunately”. Both the women were now yelling and fighting “I think I’m going to go now”. The man laughed, “Yeah you definitely should!”

***

“Finally, you are back! You took your time with this letter! And you know what’s with all the ruckus downstairs?”

“I don’t know you tell me” Jaskier looked at him in confusion, “I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything”

“Not today maybe, but yesterday you promised two girls some of your time today and they are currently fighting downstairs”, The bard laughed “My, my… I forgot about them… They really don’t need to fight for me, I have time for every beautiful persons that come my way”

“I don’t and since I am in your body that’s a problem”

“I don’t see where the problem is-“

“I don’t like people-“

“Because you are a witcher, yes of course”, Geralt sighed, “Anyway we need to go”

“Where are we going?”, Geralt looked at his friend, “You might not like it but Toussaint”

“Toussaint, you mean the place where the ruler wants my head? Which is also a place where all of her guards know my face, and absolutely love their ruler, and will consequently kill me on sight just to make her happy? That place?”

“Well I have a vineyard there and I save the duchess sister so maybe if I ask nicely, she will agree to not kill you until we return to our original body”, Jaskier looked dumbfounded, “You got a vineyard and you didn’t tell me?!” , _Is he being serious?_ , “Just pack your things we are going”. Jaskier was murmuring to himself “A vineyard and he didn’t tell me! In Toussaint!”. Both were ready to go after a few minutes. Jaskier was about to open the door when Geralt stopped him putting his arm on his torso, “I think you forget there is still the two girls fighting for you downstairs. We need to avoid them”

“You have a plan? You could maybe put on a mask on your face?” Geralt looked at him, and looked at his current attire “Have you seen your clothes lately?”, The bard shot him a questioning look while Geralt looked dumbfounded “They are pink!”

“Yes, pink is a lovely color”, Geralt pinched the bridge of his nose, “What I mean is they are noticeable, even with something on my face”. Dandelion nodded, scratching his beard. He snapped his fingers and yelled, “I have an idea, we exchange clothes and we both hide our faces, you go out first and then I go out after you!”

“…”

“What? Do you have a better idea?”, Geralt sighed “No, but we are not exactly the same size, I don’t think we can fit in each other clothes”. The bard started undressing “No harm in trying”. They exchanged their clothes in a few minutes. After the deed was done Geralt looked at Jaskier, “I look ridiculous, you can’t wear this”

“I know it’s not exactly the good size-“

“And too much flamboyant for a witcher, what if we encounter someone who knows me?”

“First, my outfits are not that flamboyant, it’s just that yours looked like they came from a dump, and two there is almost zero chance we stumble on someone you know in the next thirty minutes”. Geralt sighed, “We better not otherwise I’m going to kill you”.

“You are being dramatic, just go now”, the bard pushed him through the door before closing it behind him.

  
POV Jaskier

The bard waited a few minutes before going out himself. He couldn’t see the two women inside the inn, which was a relief. He still stayed on his guards; they were probably still around even if he couldn’t see them. He was now outside the inn and was heading for the stables, he could see Geralt who had already readied the horses. Unfortunately for him one of the women saw him. She seemed furious and was yelling his name. _Well at least my plan worked_. The bard started running toward his friend, when he got close to him, he yelled “Run, run, fucking run!”. Geralt definitely saw the women behind him and got on his horse, while Dandelion got on his. The woman was still yelling and running after them while they were ridding to Toussaint. “I fucking hate you Dandelion!”, the bard laughed, “No you don’t!”, Jaskier looked back “Well that was one feisty woman”

“No really?! I didn’t see!”, the bard shot Geralt a look. He talked again “Let’s ride for a bit more and stop so we can change our clothes again”

“Oh, excited to wear my clothes again?”, he winked, “Heh, no, I just went them off -“ he looked at the bard up and down “-of my body, if someone saw me wearing this it’s going to ruin my reputation”. The bard said on a sarcastic tone “Ah we wouldn’t people to know that you are not just a big scary witcher”

“Let’s just stop here”. They stopped in the middle of the forest. The place was not visible from the road. Both men were about to get undress, “Geralt I think I heard something”. The witcher moved instantly drawing his sword. He put his back against his friend, “You have anything to defend yourself”, Jaskier nodded “Knives”. Geralt focused, he couldn’t’ hear anything, which wasn’t surprising since he was in the bard’s body. Then again maybe Jaskier didn’t heard anything or just an animal, but he would raver be safe than sorry. The witcher started to lower his guard when he heard the noise, “You heard that?” said Jaskier. “Yeah, stay focused”.

The noise was getting closer and closer, it seemed like a big animal running on the branches and leaves. Then Geralt saw something through the bushes, something that definitely wasn’t an animal. The beast, _A nekker maybe?_ , jumped through the bushes toward the two friends. Geralt was about to launch toward it, but was stopped in his tracks by Jaskier. The bard was yelling at the top of his lung and had jumped on his friend bringing both of them down. Geralt took a few seconds to understand what had happened. His first reaction was to look at the beast who was now dead, a knife stuck in its head. He then turned to his friend, “What the fuck was that?”

“I might have panicked”. Geralt was about to yell at him, telling him how much of an idiot he was, and how they could have died, but someone talked before he could.

“Well, well, I never thought the great White Wolf to be afraid of nekkers-”, the man paused as he got closer “-or in such attire”, he then looked up and down at Jaskier who was in the witcher body. Geralt didn’t need to look at him to know who it was, he could recognize his voice anywhere. _Sweet Melitete, if you have just an ounce of pity for me, kill me already please_. Jaskier replied “I really don’t know what is it that witchers don’t like with these clothes but let me tell you not only are they really fashionable they are also of the highest quality!”. Geralt pinched the bridge of his nose, _I might end me myself at this rate_. He sighed, “Look Letho this is not what you think, but long story short, a sorcerer exchanged our body”. The witcher looked at him with an impassive look, “If you say so”.

“Anyway, what are you doing here?”

“Nekker’s nest” he said while taking his knife still logged in the beast head, “this one escaped”. He looked at both of them, “I’m leaving letting you two to whatever you were doing”. Geralt stopped him “Wait, you didn’t see anything right”. The other witcher looked at him and only smirked before leaving. “I am fucked”

“Who was that?”

“Letho of Gulet, the Kingslayer”

“What?! Isn’t he supposed to be dead?!” Geralt looked at the bard “Yeah supposed, like I’m not supposed to wear those clothes”, he said pointing at Jaskier clothes. “You are being dramatic, does this guy even talk to any of your witcher friends?”

“No”

“Well then there is almost zero chance he will encounter any of your friends and tell them about it” Geralt sighed, “I guess you’re right”

“Come on let’s change clothes so we can leave”, Geralt nodded.


End file.
